memories | Terminal Wallflower

1. Last kiss – real: boyfriend 4 years ago
2. Last phone call – mom
3. Last text message – mom…. ha
4. Last song you listened to – This I Promise You by *NSync
5. Last time you cried – probably a week ago
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice – no
7. Been cheated on – maybe, probably not. I hope not.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it – no…
9. Lost someone special – no, thank God
10. Been depressed – who hasn’t?
11. Been drunk and threw up – nope don’t drink
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend – I wish
17. Laughed until you cried – yes. love it.
18. Met someone who changed you – no. but I wish I had
19. Found out who your true friends were – always finding that out
20. Found out someone was talking about you – no?
26. What did you do for your last Birthday – dinner with friends, cake and jello and ice cream with family at home
27. What time did you wake up today – 9, then 10 then finally got out of bed at 11am
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – I can wait for everything. I’ve been doing it so far. okay, fine, starbucks.
30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time – 2 weekends ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – my introverted personality. I need more friends
32. What are you listening to right now – *NSync lollll
34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now – no one. only bc my sister is in the shower, haaaa
35. Most visited webpage – Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest
36. Favorite colour – blue I guess
37. Nicknames – too personal, sorry
38. Relationship Status – single as a pringle
39. Zodiac sign – Gemini.
40. Male or female – F
41. Primary school – nope.
42. Secondary School – noooope.
43. High school/college – nice try.
44. Eye color – brown
46. Height – 5’0 on good days
47. Do you have a crush on someone – face crush
48. What do you like about yourself – good taste in music. I’m a fast learner, I like to consider myself an old soul which I love
49. Piercings – two in each ear
50. Tattoos – one on my finger. I want at least two more
51. Righty or lefty – right hurrr
FIRSTS:
53. First piercing – baby
54. First best friend – Vicky?
55. First hookup – A.
56. First Bestfriend – girl who turned to punk rock in 5th grade like me. LOLLLL
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating – I wish I was
60. Drinking – just drank a grape flavored juicy juice
61. I’m about to – shower
62. Listening to – FOB, From Under the Cork Tree album
63. Waiting for – the shower. my sister is in there right now.
YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids? – OMG YES. NOW. PLEASE.
65. Get married? – YESSSSSSS.
66. Career – something where I feel like I am making a difference in at least one kid’s life
WHICH IS BETTER:
67. Lips or eyes – eyes
68. Hugs or kisses – hugs
69. Shorter or taller – tall.
70. Older or Younger – older, for people in general, but I love working with kids but I want a spouse that’s my age
71. Romantic or spontaneous – light mixture of both
72. Nice stomach or nice arms – arms
73. Sensitive or loud – both in the appropriate times
74. Hook-up or relationship – relationship.
HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Kissed a stranger- nope
77. Drank hard liquor – nope
78. Lost glasses/contacts – nope
79. Had sex – nope
80. Broken someone’s heart – probably. I’m really sorry, C….
82. Been arrested – no. I wish. jk. I don’t wish.
83. Turned someone down – yesh
84. Cried when someone died – can’t remember
85. Fallen for a friend – nope.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself – yes.
87. Miracles – yes.
88. Love at first sight – maybe.
89. Heaven – Yessss.
90. Santa Clause – the grammar Santa??? idiots.
91. Kiss on the first date – if it feels right
92. Angels – yes
93. How would you label yourself? – a normal person saved by the grace of God
94. Someone You Pray Everyday For – family
95. Did you sing today – I always sing. The day I stop singing is the day I die.
96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About – J.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? – I would love to relive my childhood. good times.
98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For – equal rights and opportunities for everyone
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? – no. I want to fall in love. with the right person.
100. Do you like the way you look? – not really. there’s always someone there to make you feel bad about yourself.

There was something about the way he laughed. He laughed so genuinely, like he really found what ever it was amusing. Not the kind of laugh you force out of politeness but a laugh that puts you at ease and makes you want to laugh right along with him. And when he laughed you could see it all over his face, not just his smile. He would tilt his chin down into himself just the slightest bit, reminding me of how a little child would laugh. Maybe this is a part of him that he kept from when he was younger, that he refused to change about himself. Not that anyone would want to change it.
I’m sitting here writing about his laugh and I find myself trying to suppress a smile. I don’t know why. Something so pure and good is making me feel bitter. I do know why. I resent him for what he did. Especially because he never felt sorry about it, or he never expressed it if he did. I’ve tried to bring myself to hate him several times over the last couple of years and I fail every time. I just can’t bring myself to it. So it really hurts when all I can do is miss him and all he does is forget we existed. Some hurt heals with time, so my mom and everyone else says. But some hurt just never goes away. This isn’t the type of hurt where it will only be healed if we’re together again. I know that won’t happen. I know he won’t do it. I just want to know that he remembers everything I’ll never forget and thinks about me at least once for the thousand times I think about him. That’s all I need. And probably all I’ll never get.

I’ll feel like I a freshman in high school all over again by filling out this questionnaire that will go unread.

Laugh at it All